The Longwinded Biography of a God
by conversingCorpses
Summary: ...in which many things happen to one Karkat Vantas, which include dying, getting kissed, eating cinnamon, and other curious shenanigans in that order.
1. Intro: In which Karkat dies

Yeah. This will be my first real multichapter that has exceeded two chapters.

Amazing.

Anyway, the chapters are going to be waaay short. Normally under 1000 words. I write these in the notes section on my ipod, so I don't exactly have a word counter, but when I uploaded them, I was like __ because I wrote the first ten chapters and the introduction in one gigantic note, so it looked a shit ton longer than it does now.

So, I'll shut up about that.

Going from the title, this is a [probably incredibly choppy and terribly written] biography of Karkat. As you can guess, a lot of this is guessing and going by other interpretations of what it would be like to grow up on Alternia. :3

...enjoy, I guess.

* * *

**The Longwinded Biography of a God**

**The Introduction _...in which Karkat dies._**

* * *

Karkat loosed a rather violent cough, falling back onto his pillows. Today was just not his day. Or his week, for that matter. He had been violently ill for the past four days, and was incredibly tired of it. He had almost literally coughed up his lungs, he could barely breathe. He was too dizzy to get out of bed, and his father was horrible at remembering to feed him and bring him water, which speaking of water, he really needed at the moment because his throat was so dry it hurt and he was most definitely dehydrated.

Karkat sighed and closed his eyes, wishing to be anywhere but there, anything but sick, anyone but him. He wished he could be some kind of superhero. Superheroes never get sick. Or maybe he could be a character in one of his beloved romcoms? It's rare for anyone relatively important to die in those, and Karkat had long ago deemed himself incredibly important.

Whatever the case, Karkat was still Karkat, Karkat was still at home, and Karkat was still undeniably ill. There was no changing that.

The sickly boy thought of opening his Pesterchum client and whining to anyone who would listen, but that was much too beneath him. Sure, he complained a lot, but with the amount of pain he was in, there wasn't a person in the universe who would have the patience to listen to him. Even he would get fed up with listening to his pitiful drivels, and that was saying something.

Another sigh left pale lips, and Karkat rolled over and pulled the sheets up to his chin. He shivered and coughed a few times. This sucked.

Sleep tugged at the poor boy's consciousness, but he was determined not to give in. Naps were for babies. Karkat hadn't taken a nap since he was six, and even now, nine years later, he was determined to keep it that way. There was no way in hell that he would sleep, nod off, or nap. Nope. Not a chance.

But the call was just so inviting. So dark, so peaceful, so... eternal. It just felt natural. Karkat couldn't help but be drawn into it. The sleep pulled him into it's waiting arms, whispering sweet nothings in his ear as he drifted off for the last time.


	2. In which Karkat finds a new universe

Oh, yes. I forgot. There is a general disclaimer on my profile, so the great and almighty Hussie can't sue. :3

I can just picture floating through a void when you die, and being sucked up somewhere else. It's kind of... serene, I guess. You'll always be needed somewhere. Not always wanted, but needed at least.

* * *

**The Longwinded Biography of a God**

**Chapter 1_ ...in which Karkat discovers a new universe._**

* * *

Karkat found himself floating. There was nothing around. No light, no sound, no anything. Just... _space_. There wasn't even a color to it. Not white, not black, not red nor blue. It was simply space. It had no definite volume, so Karkat had no hope of reaching the end of it, as far as he knew. He would just float on for the rest of eternity. At least, he thought so. Karkat was never was one for smarts, so he could be wrong.

But then again, that void looked pretty damn big. Who knows where it ended, if it even did.

Time, presumably, went on, and Karkat continued to float through the void. There was nothing to do, nothing to see. It was just so lacking of anything entertaining. Not that it bothered Karkat, of course. The silence was a nice break from all the hustle of New York City, where he had previously lived. There was always some horn honking, some subway passing, some person talking too loudly on their cell phone. It irritated him to no end, so this lack of noise was quite welcome.

But after a time, it got loud. Deafeningly loud. The silence was so thick, you couldn't even cut it with a knife. It bore down on him, pressing him deeper and deeper into the void. There was no escape, no hope, no nothing.

Then there was light.

Just a small prick, about the size of a piece of dust, but it was enough to catch Karkat's attention. It grew gradually bigger, more noticable, more prominent.

Then it disappeared. Simply vanishing from view. Karkat could have wept from the loss of light, of matter, of hope. But Karkat didn't cry. Crying was for the weak, and Karkat had long ago deemed himself strong and important. He would not cry. Not at all.

What was this wetness on his face? These shining, salty orbs of rich vibrant clearness falling from his eyes? Surely they couldn't be tears. Karkat didn't cry. Crying was for children.

More time presumably passed. Karkat continued to float through the void, undisturbed. The silence pressed down on him, the void gladly taking him deeper within itself. Rational thought soon left him, and the conversations started.

Karkat would talk to himself, having no problem with responding on his own when the void would not. He talked about everything from the last known weather he had seen to arguing about what time of day he thought it was. It was almost pathetic. Almost. But Karkat Vantas was not pathetic. He wasn't, he isn't, he couldn't be.

Time had most likely been in the middle of passing when the light came again. This time it was more prominent, more noticeable, more there. There were more pricks of light, everywhere, breaking through the wall of space, void, nothing. Though he would deny it to his next dying day, more shining tears streamed down his cheeks, soaking the dark fabric of his black sweater.

The lights grew. They invaded, they blocked, they destroyed. The void was no match, collapsing in on itself and disappearing from view.

The light swallowed all, and Karkat was sincerely relieved. There was a gentle sound, a melody, floating through the air, wrapping Karkat in its warmth and drawing him in. He gladly followed, willing to do anything to escape.


	3. In which Karkat is a bit uncomfortable

This is the longest chapter, just so you know. None of the others are this long.

Oh, and I can just picture there being a shit ton of Jabebloods down in them caverns. One just taking pity on the poor little mutant Kargrub and not putting him in the certain-death chamber...

Each little colored hole is designed specifically for that bloodcolor. The tests inside, I mean. I just thought I'd mention that.

* * *

**The Longwinded Biography of a God**

**Chapter 2 _...in which Karkat is in a few uncomfortable situations._**

* * *

There was a gentle rumbling that woke Karkat from his sleep. His large eyes opened slowly, feeling as though they had never opened before. There was a darkness shrouding his sight, but Karkat could see that he was in some kind of stone cavern. There were many writhing masses along the floor, presumably different colors, judging by the various shades of grey they were.

Karkat moved to stand, but only managed to rise a few inches off the ground. Startled, he looked back, only to see that there were no legs, no arms, no distinguishably human features on his body. Instead, he now had six stubby black legs, each pair attached to a small, round segment of a shining red shell, slick with some unknown fluid.

Karkat was repulsed. Was this some kind of joke? How did this even happen? What was going on?

Karkat curled up, burying his head in the middle of the coil. He sniffed, his vision going red. Something wet rolled down his cheeks, but Karkat didn't care. His life, his body, his humanity, all gone. And what was he left with? Some kind of ridiculous, grubby body that was much too small and fragile for his liking. Whatever was left of his life was now over.

Karkat nuzzled his head into himself a bit, and something hard hit his middle segment. Startled, he repeated the action and produced he same results. He cautiously raised a stubby leg to his head, patting what he assumed to be hair, until he hit something. He tapped it a few times, and let out a small squeal when shivers went up and down his tiny body. He raised another leg to check the other side, and sure enough, there was a small bump there, too.

Bringing his little legs down, he accidentally knocked a bit of the soft stuff on his head into his eyes. Upon closer inspection, it was hair, albeit a bit thicker than what he used to have. The coarse black hair was a very drastic change from the dark red hair he had before.

This was just great. Karkat was a _complete_ freak, now. No one would want anything to do with him. He would be alone for the rest of his miserable existence. They would be-

Something rather large and purple knocked Karkat over, interrupting his internal monologue. Growling instinctively, Karkat backed up and gave whatever it was a hard swipe to the face. It probably didn't hurt, what with his small legs and limited strength, but it still felt good.

The thing that knocked him over let out a small moan and rolled upright. Karkat noticed it was another grubby-looking thing like himself and a lot of his anger dissipated, but he still kept his scowl on his face, just to look menacing. The other grub slowly stood and shook its head a few times, then turned to give Karkat a dopey looking smile and a friendly sort of sound. It was like a cross between a grumble and a squeak, and he was sure there was a word for it, but Karkat couldn't really remember.

There were actually quite a few things that he suddenly couldn't remember. Things like how old he was, how to read and write, how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It was as if the memories simply _disappeared_.

The purple grub in front of him waved a less stubby leg in Karkat's face, yet again interrupting his train of thought. Karkat growled, giving the opposing grub a harsh glare. The larger of the two simply smiled even wider and flopped on top of him. The small red grub struggled for several minutes, letting out a series of displeased squeaks and growls before simply giving up and letting out what he assumed to be a sigh. The purple grub nuzzled his face into Karkat's side, his long and noticeably candy-corn-colored horns scratching his lower segment.

Another displeased sound was interrupted by a loud rumbling. Both grubs looked up to see a series of holes in the stone wall that had been dismissed as unimportant until now, each a different color of the rainbow. There were suddenly a line of grey, humanoid creatures with candy corn horns of varying shapes along the opposite wall, pushing all of the, as Karkat now realized, other grubs into the multicolored holes. A few of the creatures were sorting the grubs by shell color and shoving them in their designated hole.

The two grubs found themselves being pushed along with the crowd, though they weren't separated. The larger of the two was chewing on Karkat's 'hair', and apparently refused to let go. This didn't really matter, though, because the two grubs were suddenly ripped apart by one of the creatures, though it gave them a pitying look as it did so. The larger of the two was shoved into the purple hole, corresponding to his shell color, while Karkat was simply held and stroked by the creature as it though. Karkat couldn't help but purr at the attention he was receiving.

The petting stopped abruptly, and he was then pushed into a crevice in the wall. The creature made a series of strange sounds which Karkat assumed was some kind of language, and held a single finger up to him and pointed in such way that a parent would scold a child, though the creature's tone was gentle and kind. The creature suddenly moved out of view, and the small grub gave a frightened squeak. Where did it go? What was happening?

The hole where he was shoved suddenly went pitch black. Karkat shivered and curled in on himself. The little crevice was so cold, and there was barely any room to move. He laid his head down on his middle segment and slowly drifted off to sleep.


	4. In which Karkat meets his lusus

A small explanation: I can sort of picture there not always being enough grubs for all the lusii to take home, so Crabdad had come to the cavers quite a few times before and left empty-handed. And I almost wanted to put that Crabdad debated on eating little Karkat, but that would have been weird. ._.

* * *

**The Longwinded Biography of a God**

**Chapter 3 _...in which Karkat meets his lusus._**

* * *

The next time Karkat awoke, he was still in the hole. There was a light shining into it, which presumably was what woke him. Looking up, Karkat saw that the creature was back, peering inside the hole. There was an outstreched hand just beneath the small opening. Karkat blinked. Was it helping him?

He cautiously climbed from the hole and into the hand, fearing that it was some kind of trap, that the now decidedly female creature was going to kill him if he made a wrong step. She didn't, of course, and instead held him close to her flat chest, cooing and scratching his head. Karkat produced an involuntary purr, burying his head in the soft fabric of her shirt. She began walking, taking him somewhere, away from the horrible place she had kept him in.

Karkat had to blink several times as she stepped into a brightly lit room. There were loads of large white creatures around, all holding, or in some cases struggling to hold, a brightly colored grub. Most of the creatures were leaving, the grub in their possession either asleep or wailing rather pathetically. Karkat noticed that there weren't any that didn't have a grub, as far as he could see, which saddened him for reasons he couldn't quite understand.

The creature passed all of the white beings, instead continuing into another room, and another, until Karkat had lost track of how many rooms they had passed. She was still petting him, though, so he wasn't too worried.

Eventually, she came to a halt in front of a boulder. This struck Karkat as odd, but he didn't make any noise other than his continuous purring. The boulder moved suddenly, revealing another large white creature. Karkat paid it no mind, though. He was getting way too into this petting thing. Suddenly, the petting stopped. What was it with these people and not letting him enjoy himself?

Karkat was held out in the air. He writhed and squirmed in her hands, as he was very uncomfortable with the situation. The white creature held out what looked to be a pair of pincers, and he was carefully set inside. Karkat squirmed even more, wanting to stay with the nice lady who petted him. No such luck.

The white creature let out a screech, bringing Karkat up to eye level. All four of its eyes looked down on him with curiosity, and Karkat looked up with the same expression. The female said something, and the white creature screeched again and began to float off.

Karkat let out a displeased squeal, reaching out for the girl with his stubby little legs. She simply smiled and waved, then turned and went back the way she came, leaving Karkat with the terrifying white creature.

The thing let out a few clicks and a screech, then rubbed a claw along the top of Karkat's head. He calmed a little, pausing in his desperate cries to look up at the thing. There was unbridled joy in its four large eyes, and what almost looked like sadness. Karkat, a little startled, just sort of settled in the thing's claws, hoping it didn't crush him to death in his sleep.

The large white creature floated through the halls at a steady pace, not even pausing when it came to split hallways. It must have come here often, if it knew the halls this well. Karkat suddenly found himself outside. The sky was dark and filled with stars, the grass a crisp-looking green, even though it had been repeatedly trampled on by god knows what. The entrance to the caverns was standing ominously behind them, and Karkat wanted nothing more than to get away.

As if hearing his thoughts, the white creature began floating down a well-worn path that led through a series of forests and small towns, not that Karkat would notice. He would be too busy learning, sleeping, eating, and growing to notice.

The creature, the lusus, as Karkat had finally decided to call it, wanted nothing more than for the grub to mature, so it didn't have to carry it all the damn time. No matter how cute grubs were, once they started growing, they became ridiculously heavy. Though with a grub as adorable as this, the lusus wouldn't really mind getting to cuddle before it matured.


	5. In which Karkat martures

Yeah. This was... strange to write. I kind of decided that the body would grow inside the shell and then it would break open and voila, new body. But all the nerves and muscles would still be attached and shit, so it would hurt pretty bad. The whole process would take about six hours, and from birth, it would take about five weeks to reach this point.

And you can take a wild guess where the little tiny legs left behind are. I dare you.

Oh, and until the grubs mature, they have a sort of mental link with their lusus, so that way the lusus isn't trying to feed it wen its stomach hurts or something and ultimately kill it. Don't even ask how it works.

* * *

**The Longwinded Biography of a God**

**Chapter 4 _...in which Karkat matures._**

* * *

Karkat woke up several weeks later to an excruciating pain in his sides. Exploiting the semi-newly discovered mental link with his lusus, Karkat called Crabdad, as he later learned was his lusus's name, to the tent and away from the hunt he was on. Crabdad was there within minutes, panting and letting out worried screeches and clicks. He picked up the now fully grown grub in his claws, careful not to poke a hole in the swollen red shell.

Karkat nuzzled into Crabdad's hand, trying to distract himself from the pain, which was now spreading through his whole body. The white creature simply ran a claw through the grub's matted hair, trying to tell him that it would be alright, that the pain was only temporary. This went on for several hours. Karkat grew significantly bigger in this small amount of time, so much to the point where his shell had cracked. There was a strangled yelp with this development, and Crabdad simply let out a gentle screech and patted the grub's head.

More cracks formed in his shell causing Karkat to wail. Why did this hurt so much? What was happening? Was this some form of punishment?

Soon enough, a long crack had formed along one side of the shell. It was simply excruciating, and Karkat couldn't understand why this was happening to him. He curled in on himself, fat red tears rolling down his flushed cheeks.

Crabdad let out a displeased screech and tapped on Karkat's shell. He wailed, wrapping his stubby legs awkwardly over his head, being careful to avoid his horns. Crabdad tapped his shell again, and Karkat hissed. He heard something snap that time, and now it hurt even worse. His lusus went to tap again, but Karkat pushed his claw away. More snaps. A strangled scream. More tears ran down Karkat's face.

Crabdad gave him a pitying look, and slowly reached for the long crack in the shell. Karkat tried to swat him away, but the lusus had already grabbed onto the edge. He tugged softly on it, and several loud snaps were heard. Karkat screamed in agony. Crabdad kept pulling, and there were more snaps. After the scream, Karkat was ominously silent, but that was expected.

The crack became even longer, spreading to both sides. The shell finally broke open, and the treasure inside was revealed.

A small, grey-skinned, and amazingly humanoid body, covered in some kind of red mucus-like substance, had been encased in the broken shell. The underside of the shell was still attached to it, the nerves and muscles connected to it most likely causing the snapping sounds. There was a pair of arms and legs, each with smooth patches of skin at the joints. Each finger and toe was adorned with a delicate little claw, filed to a perfect point. Curiously enough, there was a pair of small black legs on his torso, up near his neck.

The nerves and muscles that connected his arms and legs that had been severed were now bleeding profusely, and would most likely scar over. His stomach was riddled with peculiar bumps and ridges, creating a swirling pattern around the extra set of legs and extending from there.

Karkat blinked a few times and examined his new body. This would do. This would do just nicely. He moved to sit up, but let loose a cry of pain as more nerves and muscles were ripped from his back. He had kind of forgot about that.

Crabdad let out a rather strange sounding screech and quickly pulled the last bit of shell from Karkat's new body. The small boy let out a wail and clung to the lusus' unused claw. Crabdad let out a soft click and slowly pulled his hand away, then moved over to one of the few bags in the tent. He turned back to Karkat, holding out a small parcel. Upon inspection, it contained clothes. Karkat nodded and shooed his lusus out of the tent to change.


	6. In which Karkat dooms himself

Don't even... Yes, I know the writing system/alphabet is different on Alternia, but the numbers he was thinking of were remnants of his previous life on Earth. I think.

And the design of the hive he's talking about really is what his looks like. I looked it up. ._.

I couldn't resist making him sound like a little kid... You have to admit, it is a _little_ cute. And he doesn't know how to curse yet, so it's even cuter. :3

* * *

**The Longwinded Biography of a God**

**Chapter 5 _...in which Karkat dooms himself singlehandedly._**

* * *

About six weeks after Karkat matured, he finally found a nice place to settle and build his hive. It was surrounded by a few other hives, most likely belonging to older trolls. The design was coming along beautifully. There would be round windows, arched walls, and a few shady balconies to sit outside.

Now all Crabdad said he had to do was create his sign. This confused Karkat to no end. He had no idea what he wanted his sign to be. He hadn't seen any other people's signs, so he had nothing to go by. Crabdad had given him suggestions, but none had really struck his fancy. Karkat wanted something simple, or rather simple was all he could really do. He wasn't the most artistic troll on Alternia.

Karkat sighed and set his head down on his arms. He had grown rather quickly in the past six weeks, five inches, to be exact, and he was very lanky and disproportional at the moment. Crabdad said he'd grow into his new body, but Karkat wasn't so sure. Even his horns weren't the right size. They were so small and nubby, even before he matured.

Karkat lifted his head and looked back to the paper he had been drawing on. Symbol ideas were scribbled all over it, none really all that great. He just couldn't think of a good sign for himself. It just, it irked him. Why couldn't he have a sign? Was it really this hard to-

Karkat stopped thinking then. He was going to get angry, and Crabdad had scolded him for being so hot-tempered. So instead of mentally fuming, he began counting backwards from 100, just like his lusus had taught him. He made it to sixty-nine before he stopped.

_That was it._

Karkat snatched his pencil from the ground next to him and began to draw. It took up the whole paper, running into other options, but he didn't care. It was such a good idea, it needed to take up the entire paper. It was just that good.

Once finished, Karkat sat back and admired his work. A sideways sixty-nine now sat in the middle of the page. It was beautiful. He snatched the paper from the floor and scrambled out of the tent and over to the fire his lusus was sitting at.

"Cwabdaaaad!" he called, having lost his mental connection to his lusus when he matured. He jumped up and latched onto the creature's back. "I has my sign done!"

An inquisitive screech was loosed, and Karkat plastered the paper in front of his four eyes. A low rumble came from Crabdad's throat, a soft click, a sorrowful screech.

The creature patted Karkat on the head and set him back on the ground. It carefully snatched the paper from his hands and gestured to get go back in the tent, as the sun would be rising soon. A slow nod was given by the boy, and he trudged back into the tent.

Crabdad took one long look at the sign scribbled on the sheet and almost cried. His little grubling had just singlehandedly doomed himself, the naive little thing, and he didn't even know it. He was in for a lot when he got older, that was for sure.

The white crab slowly floated off to the nearest town, ready to call the construction drones to build his little grub's hive.


	7. In which Karkat eats cinnamon

Okay, it was between when I wrote the previous chapter and this one that I started thinking about making it a SolKar. I don't even know why, I mean I ship JohnKar SODAMNHARD but I think it wouldn't fit here. *le shrug* Ah well.

AND PLEASE DON'T ASK ME WHY THEY HAVE CINNAMON. I DON'T KNOW, JUST PRETEND THEY HAVE CINNAMON ON ALTERNIA.

* * *

**The Longwinded Biography of a God**

**Chapter 6 _...in which Karkat eats cinnamon._**

* * *

A three sweep old Karkat ran through the dim halls of his hive, seemingly screaming bloody murder. But that was if you didn't know the situation. His neighbor, a small yellow blooded troll with two sets of horns and mismatched eyes chased after him, a spoon of some fine brown powder in his hand. "Come baaack!" he called, his lisp painfully obvious. "It'th juth thinnamon! Don't be thuch a grub!"

"BUT I DUN FUCKIN _WANNA_ EAT ANY GOGDAMN CINNAMON!"

A thud was heard as the yellowblood tackled Karkat to the ground, narrowly missing a set of stairs. There was a short struggle, followed by the screaming of ironic blood-color-oriented insults, then silence.

"I dun _wanna_ eat the cinnamon, Sollux!" Karkat shouted suddenly, almost knocking the spoon out of his small hands.

"Not a chanthe, KK. Eat the thinnamon, or I'll thove it down your gogdamn protein thute," Sollux growled, putting the spoon to the smaller boys lips. Karkat shook his head, knocking a portion of cinnamon onto his shirt.

An irritated growl came from the yellowblood, followed by a sigh. He certainly wasn't making this easy, was he? But then an idea popped into his head. It was something he had seen his own lusus do when one head wouldn't eat. It was rather cute, but he had no idea how Karkat would react. Well, only one way to find out.

Sollux bent down and placed an itty bitty butterfly kiss on Karkat's cheek. The raging three sweep old paused in his rant, looking mildly stunned. His mouth was slightly agape, and Sollux took this opportunity to stick the spoon in. Instantly, he was coughing and hacking like his life depended on it.

Grinning, Sollux helped the poor boy into a sitting position, then papped his back a few times. The painful expression on Karkat's face almost, almost, almost made him feel guilty.

_Almost._

But not quite.

"Thee? That wathn't tho bad, wath it?" he chuckled, papping the smaller troll's back a few more times for good measure.

Karkat glared. "F-Fuck you..." he managed to whisper. His voice was hoarse, and Sollux laughed.

"Come on, KK," he said, picking up the smaller troll. "Let'th go get you thome water thall we? That lookth kind of painful."

Karkat tried to say something else, but it was lost in a fit of dry coughs. Instead, he simply relaxed in the larger troll's hold, a serene look in his eyes.


	8. In which Karkat learns his quadrants

This... I couldn't resist writing this. I felt like putting both of them in an incredibly awkward situation. Hehe. :3

...And yes, there is a flip chart. _I don't even know anymore._

* * *

**The Longwinded Biography of a God**

**Chapter 7 _...in which Karkat learns about the quadrants._**

* * *

Four and a half sweep old Karkat sat on his couch as his lusus tried to explain the quadrants to him. Granted, it would be so much easier if his lusus spoke Alternian, but the flip chart and diagrams were certainly helpful enough.

Every time Crabdad tried to explain the red and black quadrants, though, he frose up and went back to explaining the pale and ashen, even though he'd been over them seven times already. It was obvious that this was an awkward topic for him, but it was something of genuine curiosity to Karkat.

"So what the everloving fuck does that black one do?" he finally asked, somewhat irritated.

Crabdad gave him a horrified expression, sincerely hoping that he wasn't naive enough to still not know what the two unexplained quadrants did. The creature almost platonically pitied his grub, but it was probably his fault, somehow. He always had been a shitty lusus to begin with.

"_Well?_"

Crabdad dragged a claw over his eyes, revealing the most unamused expression Karkat had ever seen on him. A few annoyed clicks and points later, and Karkat sat with a pillow to his face and a mad blush on his cheeks.

"The, uh, the same for the red one, too?" he asked, his voice muffled through the black cloth of the pillow. He peeked over the edge, trying to avoid looking at the chart. Crabdad nodded, wondering if now would be a good time to bring up the buckets.

Karkat 'eeped' and buried his head back in the pillow. Crabdad decided to save the buckets for another time. The poor troll was traumatized enough as it was, he supposed.

There was a question nagging at the back of Karkat's mind, something... forgotten. Something he shouldn't remember. But it was just out of reach. He couldn't put words to it, not yet. But soon, eventually, someday...

Karkat shook his head, trying to rid himself of all of these strange thoughts. Whatever it was, it could wait. He was learning something, and something rather important, at that. He doubted there would ever be anyone willing to fill one of his quadrants, but Karkat supposed that he'd try. He doubted that he would be alone forever...

Hopefully, anyway.

Slowly, he puled the pillow from his face and stood with a solemn expression. He trudged iut of the room, leaving a modrately confused Crabdad. What brought all this on?

A soft screech was uttered as Karkat shuffled into the nutritionblock and took out a bottle of... Faygo? The lusus hadn't even known that was in there. Interesting.


	9. In which Karkat gains his interests

I don't even have any strange comments on this one.

But all that can be said is that Karkat is a clumsy fuckass.

* * *

**The Longwinded Biography of a God**

**Chapter 8 _...in which Karkat gains his interests._**

* * *

Five sweep old Karkat stared at the poorly wrapped package in his hands. Crabdad gave an encouraging screech, nudging the grey and red wrapped box with his claws.

Today, apparently, was his wriggling day, and his lusus had taken it upon himself to buy the young troll a few gifts. It was unnecessary, but touched Karkat's vascular pump all the same. The paper crinkled beneath his fingers as he shifted the large box, shaking it by his ear to see if there were any loose parts. There was nothing.

Crabdad gave another screech, gesturing that Karkat really should just open it now and get it over with.

Karkat sighed and tore the edge off of one side. Impatient bastard... He shook the side of the package, and a colorful box fell onto his lap. On it was a picture of a smiling young troll with a shiny hew husktop on his lap.

Thick silence filled the air.

"You didn't..." Karkat said incredulously. Crabdad gave a surprised click. Did he do something wrong? Did he not like it?

Crabdad was too busy worrying to see the smile breaking out on Karkat's face. He didn't even look up until Karkat tackled him to the ground in a hug, shouting, " OH MY FUCKING GOG, YOU ARE THE GREATEST FUCKING LUSUS EVER!"

Crabdad was stunned. He liked it?

Karkat nuzzled his face into his lusus's side, smiling. He really was lucky, even if he wouldn't admit it. Crabdad tried to gesture to the other two packages on the table, but Karkat was too busy thanking his amazing lusus to notice until dinner time. Not that Crabdad minded all that much. It just meant twice as much affection. He rarely ever got displays of affection from his charge, so this was a nice change.

Later, though, at dinner time, Karkat would discover a guide to encryption and a pair of sickles. More affection would ensue, and Crabdad would be satisfied with how the day turned out.

Or, at least, until Karkat nearly chopped his hand off while practicing with his sickles and bled all over the carpet. That was just a lovely mess to clean up, it was.

First aid was used, and red stained bandages encircled his wrist as he laid on the couch drinking tea, woozy from the bloodloss. Gog, he was stupid.


	10. In which Karkat discovers Trollian

The only reason he even met Tavros first is because i probably rp as Tav the best. And I kind of felt like it.

Maaaybe I should have done Sollux... ._.

* * *

**The Longwinded Biography of a God**

**Chapter 9 _...in which Karkat discovers Trollian._**

* * *

Karkat glared at his browser window. All these fucking ads for some sort of messaging system kept popping up, and they were driving him up the wall. Trillian, or sonething like that. It sounded ridiculous. Like something from a shitty sci-fi movie make by some incompetent film director.

_Ping!_

Another ad.

"Gog. Fucking. Dammit." Each word was punctuated by Karkat's head slamming into the desk. He sighed an propped his head on his fist. Might as well see what it is.

As it turned out, the program wasn't spyware or a virus or anyhing of the sort. It really was an instant messaging program. The little red and black troll up at the top was a bit eerie, but he could get over that. Looking through the little toolbar at the top, he saw something titled 'annoying'. Clicking it, he found that you could actually change the way you type effortlessly. Though instead of doing anything too intricate, he just settled to type in all caps. This took a bit of work on his part, setting all the changes, but it looked pretty good afterwards.

Then he found the text color changer. He set it to grey, matching the color of the sign in his shirt. There wasn't any particular reason, but he thought it would look cool.

Searching through the toolbar again, he found something called 'random encounter'. Already able to tell what this meant, he clicked on it, ready to annoy the shit out of some unsuspecting asshole.

**-carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling adiosToreador at [20:32]-**

**AT: uHH, hELLO,**

**AT: wHO ARE YOU, eXACTLY,**

**CG: WHY THE HELL SHOULD I TELL YOU?**

**AT: mAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE, a NICE PERSON,**

**AT: }:)**

**CG: THAT IT THE BIGGEST LOAD OF HOOFBEASTSHIT I'VE EVER HEARD.**

**CG: ME? NICE? THE WORLD FUCKING WISHES.**

**AT: oH,**

**AT: wELL, uHH, eITHER WAY, mY NAME'S tAVROS,**

**CG: ...**

**CG: KARKAT.**

**AT: wELL, iT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, kARKAT,**

**CG: WHATEVER.**

There was an awkward moment where neither said anything. It made Karkat wonder if he scared the other troll off. He wouldn't be surprised, no one really liked talking to him on any of the websites he visited, anyway.

**AT: uHH,**

**AT: nOT TO BE TOO, fORWARD, oR ANYTHING,**

**AT: bUT WOULD YOU MIND, iF i, uHH, aDDED YOU,**

**AT: tO MY CHUMPROLL, i MEAN,**

...Was he serious?

**CG: YEAH. SURE. WHAT THE FUCK, GO AHEAD.**

**CG: OBVIOUSLY YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ANY OTHER FUCKING NOOKSNIFFERS TO TALK TO.**

**CG: AND NEITHER DO I, I SUPPOSE.**

**AT: uHH, gREAT, tHANKS,**

**AT: }:)**

More awkward silence. Karkat decided now would be as good a time as any other to wrap up the conversation.

**CG: FUCK.**

**CG: NOT THAT I WOULDN'T *LOVE* TO KEEP THIS FUCKTASTIC CIRCLE OF AWKWARD SILENCES GOING, BUT I HAVE IMPORTANT SHIT TO ATTEND TO.**

**AT: oH, uHH, aLRIGHT THEN,**

**AT: sEE YOU LATER,**

**CG: YEAH.**

**CG: BYE.**

**-carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling adiosToreador at [20:47]-**

Well, that was lovely. The Tavros kid was pretty nice, Karkat guessed. Maybe he would actually talk to him again.

But not for a while. His quirk gave him a headache...


	11. In which Karkat plays a game

And here we get into the part of the story that we all know. It was actually a bit difficult to write this, since I couldn't be quite as creative.

That would be why it's more description than anything, and I blur most of the events out and have him wake up on the asteroid. *le shrug* Leave it to imagination and whatever Hussie will decide to do.

Pfft- if you can catch the reference, then I will love you 5ever. :3

And this will be the last chapter for a while. I'm working on the next ten. It's going to take a while, since inspiration is scarce...

* * *

**The Longwinded Biography of a God**

**Chapter 10 _...in which Karkat plays a game._**

* * *

Karkat, now six sweeps old as of today, was genuinely scared. To the multitude of trolls he had been chatting with over Trollian, it just seemed as if be were more agitated than normal, but he was one imp away from flipping his shit and just jumping from a cliff into a vat of lava.

This game was going to be the end of him, he swore. Between the imps, the grist, and the reanimation of his lusus as his kernelsprite after killing it with his friends Mobius Double Reach-Around virus, he was ready to just fall into a coma and never wake up. His lusus wouldn't be happy though, and Karkat really didn't want to up him after being the one to kill him, so he tried his best to stay awake.

The poor boy hadn't slept in what he assumed to be two days, and the darker-than-usual bags under his eyes could attest for that. There was always someone bothering him, some imp trying to maul him, or one of his mentally retarded consorts trying to steal his hands.

They were finally meeting up today, though, and he hoped he could finally just curl up in his recuperacoon as his lusus screeched at him to get it some food. That was simply a hope, though, as the universe they had been trapped in decided to fuck with him one last time.

As they all stood on the ending platform and congratulated one another on their success and mourned their losses, Karkat reached for the door to their new universe. The stars and nebulas and planets visible through the glass of the knob just looked so pretty, he couldn't help himself.

But just as his fingers were about to touch the glass, half of the gateway slid off and toppled into the darkness below. Startled, Karkat looked up to see something that would haunt him for the rest of his days.

He really didn't remember what happened next, but he came to about three hours later in the arms of his moirail in some kind of laboratory. Karkat slowly looked up to see everyone staring at him, and he fought the urge to beat them all with his sickles.

The years they spent on the asteroid were a blur. Gamzee had sobered and killed a few of them, Aradia had exploded, Eridan had been killed, and he himself had accidentally knocked out all of his best friends' teeth.

Then came those stupid humans they had trolled somewhere along the line, with their stupid pink bodies an their red blood and hornless heads. Looking at their pathetic species, they almost made Karkat feel better about his almost painfully obvious mutations. He was sure that almost everyone on the damn asteroid had seen him blush, bleed, or cry, therefore being aware of his unnatural blood color.

Why no one had culled him would always be a mystery, but Karkat couldn't really say he wasn't glad they were accepting. He had become somewhat fond of living, and would rather live than be killed for something he had no control over.

Karkat sighed as he dragged a hand over his face. This had gone on far too long. Too much had happened, too much had been lost. He was a stupid, mutated, not to mention homeless and lusus-less troll who had been trapped on an asteroid for the past five 'years', and he really just couldn't take much more.

Falling back on the pile of soft things he has collected while there, he curled in on himself, trying to ward off the nightmares that were sure to plague him as he slept. He just wanted to go home, green sun be damned.


End file.
